TRICKY WATERS

I sat hypnotized listening to the keynote speaker at the leveraged buyout conference I was attending. Tamara Einstein was pretty, confident, funny and completely engaging. She talked about losing excess weight, referring to her ex-husband who she had caught cheating with her Best friend. Instead of turning things into a Jerry Springer show, she instead formed a company for women who had their lives turned upside down by situations that were beyond their control. The company drew mostly middle-aged women and started offering all kinds of different support mechanisms including counseling and social opportunities. The membership grew faster than Tamara could have ever imagined and before long, private clubs were being established all over the world to cater to these women, and resorts were offering special packages.

The growth of ‘’SWWMO Club’’ (Scorned Women Who Move On) caught the eye of Wall Street and a major hedge fund, run by women. The fund made a generous offer to buy the company. Tamara thought about it and decided that the more resources that were available, the better the long term viability of SWWMO, so she accepted a one hundred million dollar deal and sold out.

After Tamara’s speech, I joined a couple of friends for a bite down the street at an Italian restaurant. The food was very average, the conversation was somewhat mundane and I was bored. When we left to go back to the hotel, I realized that I was glad there was only one more day of the conference to go. My sessions the next day were about taking a company public in England and the hurdles you now had to overcome. There would also be a guest speaker talking about the dangers of co-venture projects with China. He had been burned on a manufacturing plant that he had built with a company based in Shanghai and he wanted to share his story. Two seemingly interesting topics, but neither one really turning my crank.

When I returned to the hotel I looked at the clock in the lobby area and it read eight. I noticed there was a lot of schmoozing going on around the bar. I went in and saw my new friend Mitch who said he was interested in doing business, and Trudy and Leanne who were going to call me after the conference and Tony who had already arranged a meeting with my office. I had made some great new contacts and I was a confident business would follow, but for the time being, I needed to escape. I slowly worked my way away from everyone and headed to the elevator. I was just getting in when a beautiful woman slid in just before the door closed, it was Tamara Einstein.

I introduced myself and told her I had enjoyed her presentation. She looked at me with a slight smile, said ‘’Thanks’’ and pushed button number eight to get the elevator moving.

When I told her I found her background extremely interesting she laughed. ‘’Look, I made a lot of money cause my ex-husband couldn’t keep his lizard in his pants. I sold the company I created because the money was fabulous, but to tell you the truth, everything that’s happened to me has been an accident. I keep getting paid really big dollars to address these conferences, but between you and me, I have guilt. My story is really stupid when you think about it, but as long as people want to pay to hear it, I’ll keep on, keep on.’’ The elevator door opened and Tamara got out. She looked at me and said ‘’Best ride of the night. Ciao’’

I went back to my hotel room and I couldn’t settle in. I turned on Netflix but my attention span was extremely short. I went to the phone and asked the operator to connect me with Tamara Einstein’s room. The phone rang and rang with no answer so I left a short voice mail telling her I was the guy in the elevator who rode up with her to her floor ‘’Best Ride of the Night’’ and I wanted to take her for a drink. I left my cell number and room number and of course my name.

I was restless and didn’t want to go back to the lobby so I had a problem. I decided to burn off my energy. I would go to the pool and swim a few laps, take a hot tub and shower and then go to bed.

I rode the elevator in my bathrobe (two people from the conference were on the elevator and gave me strange looks) to the twenty-second floor where the gym and pool were located.

I walked in, went to the pool, took off my robe, placed it on a chair and started swimming. I was just completing my third lap when I looked at the door and much to my surprise Tamara walked in.

She saw me and laughed and said that she had received my message and was going to tell me she was too tired to get together. She slipped into the pool and soon we were swimming beside each other. It was strange as we both had the giggles and when we tried to talk, water-filled our mouths which led to more laughing.

I excused myself and went to the Hot Tub and a couple of minutes later, Tamara joined me. We started out across from each other, soon we were beside each other and minutes later we were kissing. It was unexpected and wonderful.

We went back to her suite and after opening a bottle of wine sent to her by the Conference organizers and toasting ourselves we got into bed. It was a full night of lovemaking. We talked and laughed and told each other stories about our lives and our families. By morning I was completely in love.

I hated to leave Tamara, but I was committed to attending the conference sessions I had signed up for. We talked about breakfast and she said she wanted to get some sleep, so I quietly exited.

As soon as I left the discussion on Brexit and Stocks I called up to Tamara’s room but there was no answer. I left a message about grabbing dinner that night and went to hear the guy discussing his rough business dealings in China. I couldn’t concentrate, all I wanted to do was spend my time with Tamara. She was dominating my thoughts.

I again called her room, and the phone was answered on the second ring, I felt the breath come back into my body. When I asked for Tamara the guy who answered said there was no Tamara, he was Dr. Barney Vicland and was at the hotel for the Ob/Gyn conference. I must have had the wrong room.

I went to the front desk and was informed that Tamara Einstein had checked out. She didn’t leave me a forwarding address or a phone number. I felt tres shitty. I tried to console myself with ‘’Tis better to have loved and lost’’ but it seemed hollow. It was more like ‘’Better to have screwed and lost.’’

After the conference, I’d read articles about Tamara showing up here and there and I was happy for her. She was still getting paid for her speeches. I thought the lecture circuit must be lonely and I at least had given her a port in the storm.

I’ve never run into Tamara, and she’s never attempted to make contact so things are exactly the same as before I met her. There is one change mind you, I’ve started a new organization and it is slowly growing in popularity. It’s called ‘SMWHMO’’ (Scorned Men Who Have Moved On) and I’m hoping that Wall Street is paying attention.

Alan Schwarz loves life. He is the founder of JAMS Productions, a television production company based in Toronto . His passion is writing.