SEX AND THE KOOKY CAT

Covid-19 was making Simon Lastman feel very nervous. He had been cooped up in his apartment for weeks. He’d run out to do grocery shopping and return. Every morning he would exercise and go for a brisk walk.

When it came to making food during the day he was becoming proficient at different types of egg dishes and pasta. He stayed mostly on a Vegan diet, but there were times he craved protein and he went for the sodium nitrates of cold cuts.

The number one problem Simon was experiencing was a lack of intimacy. He missed having sex. He would spend time in the shower but not being with a woman was difficult. He loved everything about women and especially the feeling of warmth of a female body touching his body. There was something that he considered very spiritual about the experience. He was a tactile guy and he was starting to go crazy.

Simon had a lot of women friends online, but most were in relationships. There were a couple of women who complained about spending time with their boyfriends in quarantine, but he would never stir that pot.

One morning he woke up and remembered Sandra Wisnow. They had a weird relationship. She would come to his house, they’d have sex and she’d leave. It was the ultimate booty call. They never really went out anywhere and he didn’t know a lot about her. One day she said she had met a guy and the visits had to stop. Eight weeks later she was getting married. She sent Simon a note the day before she walked down the aisle that read ‘’Could have been you tomorrow. You’re a sucker. Hope you meet someone good.’’

About six months later she sent another note. ‘’Well, looks like you’re still in the game, my marriage to Jack flamed out. I should have got to know more about him before I took the marriage plunge. I found him interesting at first and boring as time moved on. You’re back in the game, call me.’’

Simon had never followed up, but now things were different. He found her number and called she answered on the second ring.

‘’I wondered how long it would take before you started craving my body. I give you credit for holding out much longer than I expected.You must have been getting laid by other women. Are you still single? If you want to get together, I’m going to tell you in advance, I’m not coming to your…