Alan J. Schwarz
13 min readDec 28, 2019



Alan Selzer was pacing in the waiting room area. His Father had been on dialysis for four hours and an extra half hour had passed because his fistula wouldn’t stop bleeding. Alan was praying his Dad would feel good when he took him home. He didn’t want his parents to have a rough night. There had been a few of them lately and it was taking a toll on their health and nerves.

While Alan paced, Sandy came in to sit down. She was a pleasant looking young woman .Her husband Trevor had been on Dialysis for a few months and she was always there to meet him and take him home when his session ended.

She looked over at Alan and smiled ‘’I know what you’re going through, Trevor wouldn’t stop throwing up after his last session and the one before that he lost control of his bowels. I’m worried about him.’’

Alan didn’t know how to respond and he didn’t have to as his Dad triumphantly walked out of the dialysis unit. ‘’That was tough, my blood didn’t want to stay in my body. Let’s get home son, I’m completely wiped out.’’

After saying goodbye to Sandy, they left. Alan knew he would see her again in two days. His Dad was on dialysis for four hours a session every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

The Friday session was almost over when Sandy entered the waiting room area. She smiled at Alan and then walked over to him. ‘’How’s your Dad doing?’’ Alan wasn’t sure how to answer the question, anybody who was on dialysis wasn’t doing great to begin with. ‘’My Dad has no quit in him, so he is making the best out of a crappy situation, I think he fights to be well for my Mom. He wants her life to be as good as possible.’’

Sandy listened to the answer and sat down and started crying, it was not the response Alan expected. ‘’Since Trevor went on dialysis, life has changed for us. He is never happy and not very nice. He has become bitter, I asked him to go to a professional for help, but he won’t listen, and we have another huge problem. He isn’t interested in sex and that is a big issue, because we want to have children.’’

There was nobody else in the waiting area, but Alan still felt like he was receiving more information than he wanted. ‘’Uh, I hope you can get everything straightened out. I mean I am sure that just being on dialysis can make a person very bitter, I get it. I uh,about the sex thing, I uh just don’t know what to say except I’m sorry. If you want to get pregnant maybe you can go to a fertility clinic.’’

Sandy looked at Alan for a few seconds and a slight smile came across her lips. ‘’Trevor and I have been discussing options. Maybe I can discuss one of our ideas with you on Monday. Have a very good weekend.’’ She stood up and walked away. Almost on cue, Alan’s dad Joe walked out of the dialysis unit.He had a big smile on his face. ‘’My weight and blood pressure were perfect, it’s a great way to end the week.’’

Alan went with his Dad to Synagogue on Saturday morning and out to their place of business Saturday Afternoon. Mr. Selzer had a leather business. He bought tanned hides and had them converted into belts, shoes, purses and different accessories including wallets. The competition from China was getting stiffer but Mr. Slezer didn’t want to give up his business. It kept him busy and thinking. When you were on dialysis for four hours three times a week it was important to have other things to think about. So, when Mr. Selzer turned down a substantial offer for the company, Alan understood completely and never thought twice about it.

Sunday was spent having a nice brunch and catching up with friends. Alan needed to relax after the week and getting together with people he genuinely liked and could laugh with was a tremendous restorative.

Monday was a typically busy day and before he knew it, it was time for him to pick up his Father from dialysis. He made it to the dialysis unit with a few minutes to spare and much to his surprise Sandy was waiting for him.

‘’I just was in to visit Trevor and they’re running late. They had a problem on the last shift. We have a few minutes, do you want to grab a quick coffee with me?’’ Alan asked her to give him two minutes and he went into the unit to check on his Dad. He was doing well and the dialysis nurse said he would be off in twenty minutes. Alan promised his Dad he’d be back and left for a cup of tea in the cafeteria with Sandy.

Alan insisted on paying and Sandy thanked him a number of times. This was surprising as it was no big deal. They walked over to a small table where Alan could keep an eye on the clock that was hanging down.

‘’So, I was telling you about Trevor and I having no-sex right?’’ Alan nodded wondering where the story was going. ‘’We talked about it over the weekend, Trevor likes you.’’ Again Alan was feeling like he was in a fog. ‘’So, we looked into invitro and it’s really expensive, and going to a sperm bank is expensive, and we want to have kids.’’

Alan looked at Sandy and felt sad for her, she was in the prime of her life and wanted children. He wished he could provide her with some kind of solution but it was way above his pay grade, she’d have to consult with someone who could give her professional advice.

‘’I know we have to get back to the unit, but here’s what we were thinking. You could make me pregnant. You’d never have to have anything to do with the child. You’d be helping me and Trevor out.’’

To say he was stunned was an understatement. Alan had never ever received this kind of offer and he really had to think hard about it. He had thought about being a Dad, but not just a stud.

‘’I really have to think about it Sandy, can you give me a bit of time.’’ Sandy smiled, ‘’We know this is a major situation, but we need to move forward, I want a child really bad and so does Trevor, so how about I ask you again on Friday and you let me know what you think. If you have any questions, here’s my number, you can call anytime day or night.’’

They headed back to the unit and minutes later Alan was taking his Dad back to the family home. Alan’s Dad wasn’t feeling fantastic, so he didn’t want to tell him about the Sandy situation. He always relied on his Father for sound advice, but he would wait.

The next few days were a blur for Alan. He kept weighing the pros and cons about being a sperm donor. Could he walk away from a child he fathered. Would it be that easy? Wouldn’t he want to know how the kid turned out? Could he remain detached? Probably not even close.

On the Friday before dialysis on the way to the unit with his Dad sitting beside him, he told his Father the full story. His Dad didn’t say anything for a couple of minutes and finally he burst out laughing. ‘’Son, you don’t want to do it. Getting laid is one thing, having a child is something else. It will get messy and you’ll be involved with this woman and her husband for the rest of your life. I don’t care if they say that you won’t you will. If you’re going to have a child, do it right. Find the right woman and get married, but at the end of the day it’s your decision.’’

Alan dropped his Dad off and went to a local Japanese restaurant for some Sushi and to clear his mind. He sat there thinking about a myriad of subjects. The big one was how would he feel being a sperm donor without connections to a child he had helped created. It was much heavier than he had thought. On the one hand he would be creating a life, on the other hand he didn’t know how he could stay hands off. It was tough and by the time he was ready to go back to the unit, he was more confused than ever.

When he saw Sandy he felt a strange sensation in his stomach. He didn’t know what the right thing to do was. It would be easy to say no thanks, but was that what he really wanted to do. Having a child was a legacy, even if the kid never knew who you were. It was not an easy decision and Alan was taking things very seriously.

Sandy came over and stealthily sat down beside Alan, there were other people in the waiting room. ‘’So, Trevor and I were talking about it, and he would be more than pleased if you would be our sperm donor. He is one hundred percent behind it. He thinks our child would grow up to be a really good person.’’ Alan looked at her. ‘’I understand, the kid would be good, handsome, athletic, and have great genes.’’ Sandy laughed, ‘’Well, we know he would be decent.’’ Alan looked at her for a moment and she burst out laughing ‘’Yeah, all of those things.’’

Trevor was the first guy out of the dialysis unit and he came right over to Alan and Sandy. ‘’So my wife told you that I am okay with you banging her to give us a kid, but dude, remember the reason you’re going to be nailing her, it isn’t for romantic reasons, we just wanna use your sperm.’’

Alan nodded his head and Sandy and Trevor walked towards the door. Sandy turned her head and in a voice louder than Alan would have liked said ‘’Let’s work out details on Monday Evening, I can’t wait to discuss how we’re going to set up you sleeping, well, it won’t be sleeping, but going to bed with me.’’ With that they disappeared into the night.

The weekend was made up of indecision and decision. Alan couldn’t stop thinking about what he was going to do. When he spent time with Trevor and Sandy on Friday Evening, they seemed so redneck. Did he want to have a child raised in a redneck world? Then he thought about Sandy, she seemed sincere and caring. Could he deprive her of what would make her feel complete as a person and not allow Trevor a dialysis patient to have a child.

Alan didn’t tell anybody about the situation except his Dad. He always told his Father everything and his Dad in return always gave him sage advice. On Sunday when they were sitting in his Dad’s office at the factory and he recapped the breeding story for him, his Father shook his head. ‘’Son, there’s a lot of children in this world who need families, who are alone in the world. If Trevor and Sandy are so desperate for a child, let them adopt one. They would make a difference in a child’s life. It sounds to me like Sandy just wants to get laid. If they don’t qualify for adoption, how are they going to raise the child you’ll be helping them get. Do you want to put a baby in that kind of situation?’’

Rarely did Alan disagree with his Father about anything, but this situation was different. He understood Sandy’s desire to have a child come out of her womb. She wanted to experience real childbirth and Trevor wanted to be a Dad. Who was he to deny their dreams. He made up his mind, he was going to shtup Sandy and help create a family for her and Trevor.

Alan called Sandy during the day to tell her he had made a decision. He wouldn’t tell her over the phone and suggested they meet early at the dialysis unit to discuss everything. She seemed excited and delighted over the phone, Alan just felt nervous.

After dropping his Dad off for his dialysis session, Alan took a seat and waited for Trevor and Sandy. They walked in, but before he could say anything, Trevor said ‘’I’m fuckin late, Sandy drives like a turtle, she’s a rabbit in bed but a fuckin’ turtle behind the wheel. You guys make your plans about the screwin’ I gotta get into the unit.’’ With that he ran through the doors of the dialysis unit to get hooked up.

Sandy was looking at Alan in what he thought was a strange way. ‘’Let’s go down to the cafeteria, I want to show you something.’’ He followed her as they headed to the food area. She turned and smiled. ‘’I’ve been thinking about this since I first asked you about being my donor, and I have to tell you, I’m excited. ‘’

They found a table in the corner and Alan went and bought Sandy a coffee with double cream and sugar, and he got himself a green tea. She hadn’t stopped smiling since they had entered the cafeteria, when he gave her the coffee, she gently placed her hand on his and whispered ‘’Thank you for everything.’’

Sandy looked around the room and whispered. ‘’I went to Victoria Secrets and I bought this negligee.’’ She pulled out a red, short negligee that she held up against her body. ‘’Do you like it?’’ Alan immediately liked it, and could feel his libido heating up. ‘’Yeah, it’s great.’’ She laughed ‘’You’re so cute. So we will probably have to make love a few times to make sure I get pregnant. Um, here’s the thing. Trevor can only know we made love once, or he will get jealous. So, do you want to go to your car now and get things started?’ Alan was taken off guard. He was not ready to conceive a child in the backseat of his car. ‘’Uh, that sounds great but I think we need to work out the details before we do the act.’’ Sandy laughed again, ‘’you make it sound so official, before we do the act. Look you are going to make love to me a few times, I am going to get pregnant and that’s it. But, I will say this, if you still want to screw around while I’m pregnant I’m completely open to it, cause you’ll be the Dad.’’

Alan’s head began to spin at the words, ‘’You’ll be the Dad.’’ Being a Dad inferred a lot of things. There was a big difference between being a semen donor and being a Dad, he had to catch his breath.

‘’Oh, there’s one other thing and I don’t want this to creep you out, but when we get it on officially, Trevor wants to be in the room to watch so it doesn’t get romantic. Like we can have some foreplay, but then you have to get down to action, you can’t say you love me or anything like that. That’s why we should meet a few times and make love without Owen knowing, than you can say whatever you feel to me. I bet you’ll think I’m a great lover.’’

The damn broke, the game was over. Alan’s Dad had been right. This was more than just intercourse to provide semen for a child, this was something out of Penthouse forum.

‘’Sandy, I’m really, really sorry and I don’t want you to think I don’t appreciate the offer but I’m not the guy for you. I can’t just have sex and make you pregnant and walk away. I am a person who doesn’t just believe in sex, I believe in making love and you’re a married woman, so I can’t have that real intimacy with you. I am really sorry, I know I’ve disappointed you and your negligee is really hot, but I don’t think things are going to work out. Have you thought about adoption?’’

Lisa started to cry, she looked at Alan with daggers in her eyes as she stood up. ‘’It’s your loss, I offered you my body. Now I have to find someone else. You know my negligee cost forty bucks.’’ With that Lisa stood up and marched out of the cafeteria, carrying her purse and negligee with her.

After dialysis Trevor came over to Alan and looked at him while shaking his head. ‘’You missed out on a prime piece of ass, I was looking forward to you and Sandy doing the nasty. Oh well, she’ll find somebody else.’’

Sandy waited for Trevor at the door and they left in deep conversation. Alan speculated that they were thinking about the next name on the sperm donor list.

On the way home, Alan told his Dad how things had shaken out and his Father laughed. ‘’You did the right thing, I have a feeling if you would have agreed to the situation, you would have found yourself starring in a bad porno movie.’

About three months after the cafeteria meeting, Sandy came over to Alan at the dialysis unit. ‘’I just want you to know there are no hard feelings. A guy I work with agreed to donate and now I’m pregnant.’’ Alan said he was very happy for her and she smiled.’’It could have been you, but there is one complication.’’ Alan wondered what could have gone wrong with the circus. ‘’Well Matt, the guy who made me pregnant, I’ve known him for a couple of years and he, well he fell in love with me, so he’s leaving his wife and we’re moving in together. He is really going to be my Baby’s Daddy.’’ Visions of Jerry Springer ran through Alan’s head. ‘’What about Trevor?’’

Sandy looked at Alan and said ‘’This is the last time I’ll be picking up Trevor at Dialysis, you’ll see his brother getting him from now on, they’ve moved in together. I left him, we’re separated. I’ve filed for divorce cause I want to be with Matt. I wish Trevor well, but we’ve drifted apart. A woman has her needs and Trevor can’t handle them. So, he is going his way and I’m going mine. I do have one question for you?’’ Alan wondered what it could possibly be. ‘’If Matt and I don’t work out, do you want to go out with me?’’

‘’Sandy, you’re a great girl but I am now involved in a serious relationship, so I have to take a pass cause I don’t think my girlfriend would approve, but thanks for the offer, and I really do hope that things work out with you and Matt.’’

Alan’s Dad walked out of the dialysis unit on cue. ‘’Great session, I feel really good. My weight and blood pressure was absolutely perfect, let’s get out of here.’’ Alan said goodbye to Sandy one last time and he and his Dad walked to the car.

On the way home Alan told his Father about Sandy and Matt and Trevor. How he was so grateful he never got involved in being a donor. Mr. Selzer looked at his son and laughed. ‘’You should feel proud, any man would be honoured to have a woman wanting him to make her pregnant so she could raise his son or daughter. You might not have fathered her child, but you can sit back and remember the offer for the rest of your life and smile cause you were a really wanted man. Not many people get those kinds of offers in a lifetime. I’m just glad you made the right decision.’’ As they got near the family house, Alan Selzer wondered, did I?



Alan J. Schwarz

Alan Schwarz loves life. He is the founder of JAMS Productions, a television production company based in Toronto . His passion is writing.