I Hate Death

Alan J. Schwarz
4 min readFeb 7, 2022
Image By Clevelandfunerals / 1 image on Pixabay.com

Since I was a little boy I have always hated the concept of death. I understand that when a person is gone they are supposed to be going to a better place and I don’t question that. What bothers me is all the knowledge and love that a departed person takes with them.

When my Dad died on August 1st, 2009 I was not even close to being ready for it to happen. My Father was an incredible guy who bounced back from every health challenge imaginable. I thought about my Grandparents who I knew and loved, but my Dad was the closest human being to ever leave me. I hated that he was no longer physically around to talk about the challenges of life with me. He was brilliant and his advice was always solid and sage.

I remember as a kid thinking about how much we lose when a person dies. All the knowledge they have accumulated as a person on this planet is lost forever. I guess the forever part is the worst. When a person dies interaction with them becomes a soliloquy.

My Mom passed on January 11th, 2019 and it was a shock. She was my very best friend and we discussed everything under the sun. She was also my biggest supporter. No matter how crazy the idea, she was on board with it. She was encouraging and gave constant unconditional love. She was a Mother who was the Mother of all Mothers. In fact, she hosted a television series ‘’The Bubbie Break’’ I produced with no prior experience and she did absolutely amazing. She only had one rule with the television series, she never wanted to discuss the subject of death. She said death was final and when it happened it happened, and there was no reason to think about death when we were focused on life. She was extremely active and I once asked her about it and she said ‘’You can’t hit a moving target.’’ She loved life with her heart and soul and grabbed every minute to make it count. She also had some health issues which she overcame with strength and valour. My Bubbie, my Mom’s Mom had died at sixty-nine and my Mother was always nervous about approaching that age, she didn’t want to die young. She passed sixty nine like Secretariat winning the Kentucky Derby. She never looked back only forward. She lived to ninety three, but it still didn’t seem like enough. She still had years to go and I miss her every single day of my life.

Alan J. Schwarz

Alan Schwarz loves life. He is the founder of JAMS Productions, a television production company based in Toronto . His passion is writing.