Here Comes Beetlebaum…

Alan J. Schwarz
7 min readJun 20, 2021

Joe Leonard, Bubba Levine, and Harold Matz loved to go to the racetrack. They went every Saturday night with their wives and always had a great time. They’d enjoy a nice dinner and then they’d place their bets.

In the winter, the girls liked it when they went to Gulfstream Park in Hallandale, Florida, so they could go and play at the Casino. In the Spring and Summer they’d go to Woodbine and follow the same routine. It was a fun way to spend a night.

Joe Leonard was in the cattle business. He and his son were big exporters of dairy cattle to the United States. Bubba Levine had a men’s clothing store, but made most of his money in the stock market, and Harold Matz was in Real Estate. He bought, sold, flipped, advised, and enjoyed.

On June 24th the guys were at Woodbine after a nice dinner and they were laughing at a claiming race. It featured horses that had never won a race. Some of the horses had run eight times and had zero victories. The closest any of them came to the finish line was sixth place.

The horses in the claiming race were not exactly busting speed, and the guys laughed their asses off when one of the horses named Beetlebaum started off like a flash and immediately fell to the back of the pack. The guys kibbitzed all night about Beetlebaum who had finished last. It was a crazy name for a horse. The winner of the race was ‘’Mr. Popular’’ who someone claimed for eight thousand dollars. That was it, nobody wanted any of the other horses.

On the way home from the track, Bubba kept repeating ‘’And Here Comes Beetlebaum, Whoops, There Goes Beetlebaum.’’ His chant was met with hilarious laughter.

Every Tuesday, Joe went to the cattle auction in Campbellford. He loved buying cattle and he always needed a load to ship to customers in the United States. He was talking to some guys around the ring when a horse was walked in. The auctioneer announced the horse had papers and was formerly a race horse. Joe asked to see the papers and sure enough, it was Beetlebaum.

To suggest anyone was excited about Beetlebaum would be telling a lie. The auctioneer was having a hard time getting a bid. Joe Leonard finally yelled out, ‘’I need some Heifers, I’ll give you twenty-five bucks just to get the horse out of the ring.’’ The auctioneer did…

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Alan J. Schwarz

Alan Schwarz loves life. He is the founder of JAMS Productions, a television production company based in Toronto . His passion is writing.