Martin Lewis was sound asleep so he didn’t answer his phone when it rang. It was funny, Martin was usually a light sleeper, but on this particular night, he was oblivious to everything. Nothing could have disturbed his slumber. He had spent the day in eighty degree heat putting up a new fence around his backyard and besides feeling a little on the dehydrated side, he had been drained. After a nice long bath, when his head hit the pillow, he was gone, gone, gone.
When he woke up at his customary six fifteen, he saw that it was his girlfriend Ellie who’d called. He couldn’t recall the last time she’d called him in the middle of the night. When they first started going out, she’d sometimes phone him on a Saturday Night and ask him to come over for a booty call, but that had been years ago. They were both older and more sedate. Covid-19 had played havoc with their relationship. They had decided not to home isolate because Ellie had said her place was small and she needed space. Martin didn’t get it, but he loved her and wanted to do whatever made her happy.
They had talked about marriage and even though Ellie had been through a bitter divorce, she was enthusiastic about spending their lives together.
Ellie ignored Martin’s FaceTime call and then a few seconds later, called back on Audio. When she started talking, there was something wrong. Ellie talked in a whisper and it felt like she was trying not to disturb someone, she said something about holding on as she wanted to go to her balcony.
A few seconds later she was back. When Martin asked why they weren’t on video, she said something about looking terrible, but that made no sense. Martin had seen her every way possible and she couldn’t look terrible if she tried. There was a pause ‘’Are you in danger, if you are and you can’t talk say ‘’Life Saver’’ if you’re okay say ‘’Oomaph Loompah.’’
Ellie made her position very clear‘’Oompah Loompah Oompah Loompah, Oomaph Loompah.’’ Martin was surprised because it seemed she was spitting the words out.
Martin then asked Ellie to go to video, and this time she reluctantly agreed. When the video came on, she was a picture of beauty. Her long brown hair was around her. shoulders, her eyes were glistening, her teeth were shining. She had a light blue satin housecoat around her shoulders and she looked like perfection to her boyfriend.
‘’I want to break quarantine, I love you and need you and I need intimacy.’’ Ellie smiled, and shook her head. ‘’I don’t think so, it’s kind of why I called you. I uh had some wine and drank more than I should, so I was kinda drunk.’’ Martin was listening very attentively when he thought he saw movement behind her. It was only for a second, but he was sure he saw an image going into her bathroom. Ellie didn’t have a dog, so what was going on in her bedroom.’’
‘’Yeah, so there’s this guy I work with, his name is Phil, and I have always gotten along with him really well.’’ Martin was stunned, because he saw some more movement, this time from the bathroom back to bed. ‘’The strangest thing is Phil lives in this building. I don’t know if you ever met him when you’ve stayed over. He works out in the gym a lot.’’
Martin was now very confused, where was this all heading. ‘’Anyways, I’ve been doing all my work from here, and Phil and I are working on the same case. So, before I finished my final summation, Phil came down to go over some minor details. He’s a bit more senior than I am. He wore a mask, and he’s been in quarantine also. So, here’s the thing, we drank a couple of bottles of wine and things happened.’’
The air felt like it wasn’t moving. None of this made sense to Martin. ‘’How’d you drink wine if you were wearing masks?’’ Ellie sat down on a chair on the balcony. ‘’Well, that’s how everything started to happen. We drank some Cabernet Sauvignon and realized that we were both lonely. I mean I love Face Time and talking about the future, but I never realized how much I needed a human touch.’’
Phil was now getting out of bed and standing, he wasn’t running or hiding. Martin was sure he had never met the guy before. It was terrible to see another guy in Ellie’s Condo.
‘’So, before we knew it we were naked. I’m so sorry Martin, but I screwed my brain’s out. Phil was the perfect antidote to my loneliness and my horniness. I needed sex. It was nothing personal, I still love you and want to be with you, but a woman has needs.’’
Phil was now standing near the balcony, only wearing his underwear. He whispered something and Martin was sure it was ‘’Come back to bed’’. Ellie looked at her boyfriend and said ‘’I need to go to the bathroom. I’ll call you back in a couple of hours.’’
The screen went dark but Martin could still clearly hear the audio. Ellie had not turned off the phone. She had slid Martin into her pocket. The question was to stay on the line and become a voyeur or click the off switch.
As his hand went to the red disconnect icon, Martin heard his name being mentioned by Ellie and he had to listen to what she was saying. ‘’Martin is one of those people in life who is genuinely too nice and trusting. He doesn’t have a mean bone in his body. If I call him in twenty minutes and say Oh I love you, forgive me, I don’t know why I fucked Phil, he would say, okay you’re forgiven. The weird part is, if I continued to let you screw my brains out, and wen to Martin and said, I had a relapse, I let Phil savage me, he fucked me so hard I was seeing stars, Martin would say, Is it over? and if I said Yes, he’d forgive me. He’s a Fucking Saint. The problem is Saints are boring.’’
There was a pause and a kissing noise and Martin knew what was going on. He was going to disconnect when the phone landed on the bed. Ellie had taken off her house coat and the phone had slipped out, right between her and Phil.
It was a difficult situation, comparable to watching a train wreck in front of your eyes. Martin wanted to switch off, but the conversation (kind of like the old days of professing to read Playboy for the articles) kept him online. His name came coming up in the conversation between Ellie and Phil.
‘’So when you met your boyfriend, what made him attractive to you.’’ Martin heard Ellie slowly moving around. ‘’Why are we talking about my boyfriend while your licking my favourite spot, just concentrate on what you’re doing. I want to get off and talking about Martin, is not relaxing right now, I’m fucking cheating on the guy.’’
There was some slurping noises, and Ellie moaning and finally a pause. ‘’Oh, that’s good, that was good Phil.’’ Martin was uncomfortable and didn’t want to hear more but they moved around and there was Ellie’s ass, just over the phone.
‘’Martin never wants to go down on me. He has a problem with it, says he can’t get the taste out of his head for days.’’ Martin knew this was true, he didn’t like sticking his tongue inside of Ellie, it seemed crude.
‘’Well, one good eat, equals one good suck’’ and Martin heard them both laughing as Ellie’s back started going up and down for what seemed like a very long time, finally she pulled back, sat straight up and he heard Phil going ‘’Whoo Whoo, So Good, So Good.’’
Ellie fell over on her side and they both laughed. ‘’I have to go to the bathroom and gargle. I need to clean my mouth out.’’ Phil responded ‘’ Me too’’. They both got off the bed and walked away. The phone was looking at the ceiling, and Martin took a second to think about his next course of action. He didn’t have long to think, because the phone kind of jumped as two entangled bodies flopped down on the bed, and soon the phone was moving all over the place, as the rhythm of the bodies moved up and down simultaneously.
A couple of minutes later, there was silence and then he heard Phil. It wasn’t as loud as before, and Martin wondered if the phone was under something or one of them. ‘’Seriously, how did you hook up with your boyfriend. I mean you’re beautiful and smart and he’s, well he seems boring and dull, and he won’t be mistaken for Mr. Universe or Brad Pitt. Fuck, If I was that guy I would have been in quarantine with you right away. I would be screwing your brains out morning and night. What the hell was the guy thinking? I have to admit, I’m glad he didn’t move in with you, cause I want you at least twice a day. I want to keep Fucking you till you can’t walk or think.’’
‘’Martin’s a solid guy. I was married to a dick for six years. He treated me like shit, in fact I knew he was cheating on me, cause he never wanted to have sex. After we divorced, I wanted to be with someone decent. Martin was different than my ex and he’s a lot different than you. He’s kind and loving. He cared about my feelings and he wanted to make me happy. He is a good guy and I never thought I’d cheat on him, but along comes you.’’
Phil laughed, ‘’Well, firstly everything happens for a reason. We work together, we live in the same building, we were supposed to end up fucking. Secondly, you must have found something you liked about your ex or you would have never married him to begin with. Maybe you secretly love the bad boys and that’s why we hooked up. I want to have sex with you, but I have no idea about the long term. As long as we’re in quarantine, it only makes sense from a physical and mental place to fuck. So, I don’t give a shit about that Martin guy, I want your body and that’s just the way it is.’’
‘’How romantic, I thought it was the wine that got me into bed with you, but I guess you’re right, I do like the bad boy side. Okay, you ready for more, we might as well screw, I am feeling extremely horny.’’
As Phil started to mount Ellie, he said ‘’I just stuck my knee on something, what do you have under the sheets?’’ He lifted the sheet up and there was Martin looking straight up from the screen. Phil took a second and looked at him, and he then politely passed the phone over to Ellie.
Ellie looked at the screen with a very blank look, she grabbed the top sheet of her bed and covered her upper body. Phil rolled off the bed and on to the floor. ‘’Martin, Hi, I didn’t know my phone was on. Um, How long was it on?’’
Martin smiled ‘Well there was cunnilingus, there was a blow job, there was serious sex, and there was the fact I’m boring and forgiving. It was all very educational, it was like a menage a trois, without me being there personally. It was to tell the truth a very informative and educational session. Phil was right about one thing, I should have been in quarantine with you from the start, but you didn’t want it. I could never understand why, but I do now, I’m boring and not a bad boy.’’
Ellie looked confused, not quite sure what to say. ‘’It’s okay Ellie, I understand, this Covid-19 has wrecked a lot of lives and relationships including ours. I guess Popeye was right ‘I am, Who I am, and That’s Who I am. I would never be a shmuck and cheat, I just don’t have it in me, when I love, I love completely. I know that’s a cliche and a boring concept, but that’s what I’m about, boring and faithful. All it would have taken was for you to say, come hither and I would have been there. I don’t want to make long speeches, cause I know somewhere your new boyfriend Phil is waiting to get it on with you. So, I can only say, goodbye and good luck. I wish you a sexually fulfilling and happy life. Please never ever contact me again, pretend I don’t exist. Oh, and if I can give you one last bit of advice, always make sure you turn your phone off before engaging in sex. It is way too graphic.’’
Martin hit the red icon and the picture went off. It was over. He felt exhausted mentally and physically. It really had been a inadvertent sexual triangle. Martin decided to take a long hot shower, and then he’d call Marquis Jewellery about finding out if he could come over. He hoped that they would take back and give him a refund for the engagement ring he had bought for Ellie. He wouldn’t be needing it any more. He hated what Covid-19 had done to the world. People had lost their minds.
About five hours later, Ellie called and was fully dressed. She looked at Martin with a big smile on her face. ‘’Martin, I know that was a huge shock, but we aren’t married yet, so we’re still not officially monogamous. I didn’t intend to have sex with Phil, but things just happen. I hope we can work through this indiscretion of mine, it will never happen again. I love you Martin. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?’’