Are you a Jew?

Alan J. Schwarz
12 min readApr 9, 2021

I was busy, I was always busy, that’s what happens when you run a successful Media/PR Firm in downtown Toronto. I had more clients than I could handle and a staff that was eclectic. As an example, I enjoyed working with Laramie Daniels but she was crazy. ‘’Uh, Alan I uh, have to tell you. I got interviews for Jeb the Woodworker on CFRB, in the National Post, The Toronto Star, Toronto Sun, and The Globe & Mail.’’ I looked at her and was delighted, ‘’Great work Laramie’’, she shook her head. ‘’No, it wasn’t great work, it was sensational work. That Jeb is drier than the wood he works on. So you can expect him to say some pretty outrageous things during his interviews, I coached him. I know it will be controversial but everyone will be paying attention.’’ I was afraid to find out what kind of controversy she had coached into a guy who came from a town with a population of three hundred and was famous because his wood carvings had been purchased by some of the biggest names in the collecting world. ‘’We don’t need controversy, he doesn’t need controversy’’ Laramie laughed. ‘’I just told him to mention that if things don’t work out between Megan and Harry he’s ready to take her out. He has a thing for her.’’ I walked away shaking my head. How could that nonsense be brought up during an interview on woodworking? ‘’Okay then Laramie.’’

I was just about in my office when Allie the HR person came over. She had a serious look on her face which usually meant trouble. ‘’Uh, I hope you’re not going to get upset with me.’’ This was not a great way to enter into a conversation. Just as I was about to answer, Laramie came running over. ‘’Jeb’s interview in the Toronto Star just came out. It is superb. I am the best Publicist ever. Oh, uh there might be some blowback, but I’ll deal with it.’’ I stood there looking between Allie with the news that I was sure was going to be upsetting and a Publicist who thought blowback and negative press was somehow good.’’ ‘’What kind of Blowback?’’

Laramie smiled. ‘’Well he got a little carried away in the interview. He said how grateful he was to have his woodwork all over the world. The interviewer asked him, like having a carving in Buckingham Palace in England?’’ I took a deep breath. ‘’He replied, yeah I am happy the Queen can look at it. It is wood from Madoc, Ontario. You know I’m sorry Megan isn’t there. When I think of wood and the palace, I…

Alan J. Schwarz

Alan Schwarz loves life. He is the founder of JAMS Productions, a television production company based in Toronto . His passion is writing.